Being nicer to myself

Okay. I'll wave the white flag now. This is harder than I expected. I'm grateful I'm not nauseous, at least I have that on my side. The only thing that would make this worse is throwing up, especially in the middle of the night. And also on my side, it's oral pills so I don't have to sit hooked up to an IV in a doctor's office. However, this fatigue is killer!

In my mind, I was thinking "I took this same medication for 42 days straight. How much worse can it be at a higher dose?" Uh. SO much worse. And the best part *rolling eyes*, the next 5 cycles will be even HIGHER.

I had every intention of continuing my plan at work. I'd go in, work until I just couldn't anymore, and then go home. I love my job, my company, my coworkers. I try to do my best at everything I do. I'm pretty hard on myself when it comes to stuff like that so I push myself, sometimes past my breaking point. This is one of those times. I've finally admitted, I just can't work while I'm doing the chemo.

I do have to say though that was I was pretty proud of myself for making it through 4.5 hours of a scheduled training this afternoon. I was even clear headed enough to follow along, ask valid questions, contribute to the conversation, and learn a lot. I attribute that to my 7.5 hour straight night sleep (first time in months) and the 2 hour nap I took later in the morning.

But from here on out, Wednesday through Friday on chemo weeks are off from work. I'm not planning any extra curricular activities for the full 5 days (and maybe the Monday after too); no friend dinners (mom friends for me), no dates, no running errands, no shopping (gasp), no exercising (not that I was anyway), no dishes, no laundry, no cleaning. Basically, I'm putting myself on lock down, putting myself first, making sure I can heal so that when these 5 days are over, I can get back to life again.

We appreciate that people have started bringing us meals again. Please continue to do so. I'll keep the care calendar updated with the weeks that we'll need them. And most of all, please help support Charles. He's amazing but he's going to get burned out too. He needs help with the kids especially but also keeping up the house, and with emotional support. Even from afar, you can call or email (after 8pm please).