Sunday, May 31, 2015

My "little stuff" post

I need to write some more before I loose the memories of the little stuff, the in-between times. My dumb cancer/chemo brain is already loosing things. I got really upset last night because I felt these things were already flying out of my mind and it made me so sad, frustrate, and mad. Simple words or sentences should be enough to jog my memory later.

-Doing a group jump picture at the Welcome to Utah sign.
-11 female cancer survivors (plus 10 other people) in the same lodge for almost a week and no petty fights or drama.
-Choosing rooms from the hallway of rooms that each had 3 bunks and a queen bed. (Letting Ultra have the queen and I took a quiet bottom bunk in the corner, "my cave").
-Ultra and I falling asleep the first night with the light on so Alcina could come in and get ready.
-Alcina thinking Ultra was still up and leaving her headlamp on the outside door handle.
-Having the coffee run out frequently and not having a quick Keurig to brew.
-"Fancy water" always available in a big pitcher with lemon/lime slices and mint
-Making lunches every morning to pack in the cooler; variety of breads, meats, spreads (including homemade Chamomile nut butters), fresh veggies, energy bars, natural fruit leather, and left overs. My absolute favorite was the left over breaded chicken from the previous night's dinner put on yummy sour dough bread.
-Trying every single type of dish that AJ and Chamomile put in front of us, even if it was just one bite. I was being adventurous and proving to myself that I will try ALL of it. Almost of all of it was extremely good and I had 2nds and sometimes 3rds every night.
-Watching Chamomile make nut butters and strawberry ice cream with her industrial grade blender/squasher thing.
-Remembering how helpful all the staff and camp moms were, working as a team to clean up meals and make sure everyone was feeling at home.
-That first climbing morning when the campers wiped out Bandcamps snack bag in the first 15 minutes.
-Having Piranha pass on the sunshine award to me.
-Switching awards with Cilantro so I could present the "On rock award" to Strawberry.
-Watching how much it meant to Patch to have Cilantro give him the sunshine award.
-Dance party/stretching every morning.
-Sitting out on the back porch with tea or coffee and just looking over the pond, hear the sounds of nature, cuddle up on a rocking chair in the sun, talk with Mmmbop or not talk with Rebel.
-Bean sack/love sack/bean bag/love bag/etc, whatever you want to call that giant bag chair that was like laying on a cloud. Hearing Bullseye say "BAG, BAAAAG, BAYG."
-Acting out spirit animals; Yak, Jennifer Lawrence, Tequila, Panda, etc. Ama D thinking Jennifer Lawrence was someone's real name instead of spirit animal. Choosing a white barn owl (Hedwig) for my spirit animal.
-The awesome reclaimed wood store in town. Sending postcards to the kids that didn't get there until a few days after I got home. Buying a bunch of Moab gear in the tourist shop. Being so glad I got a rain coat that day.
-Getting Charles a "wish box" and leather bracelet. Getting a bag of pretty polished stones for each of the kids. Having the kids loose them all within 3 days.
-Using the big water bottle I bought for the rest of the trip, getting to cover it with the Moab stickers, using here at home.
-Thinking about my trip and friends every time I use the Moab mug.
-Hollywood trading 3 high school nicknames for his original FD one, including my HS nickname "Bootie."
-One of the two bathroom stall doors being locked with no one in it and the fact that it was 100% not reachable; surrounded completely by walls and a door with a full frame made of sturdy wood.
-Wearing my buff over my mouth and sometimes eyes at the camp fires.
-One of the showers having really high water pressure and one having no water pressure at all.
-Dance party on the porch overlooking the Colorado River at Colin's Red Cliffs Lodge with Patch, Bandcamp, Mmmbop, and Standby.
-Having a long introspective moment at the beach, thinking about my cancer experience, myself, and my life. Throwing away my "bad rock" and still keeping my "good rock" on my wardrobe now. Being so touched that I was crying. Hugging Mama Flub and crying with her. I know I'll never forget that moment or how I felt during that whole half hour or so.
-The Baci ceremony at the base of Looking Glass Rock, still wearing the threads around my wrist that symbolizes good luck and protection.
-The impromptu beaded Baci that Piranha gave us and still having that on my wrist today too.
-Almost landing on Ultra's head because I was flying down the repel (on purpose) on graduation day.
-Taking advantage of any bathroom-like place so I didn't have to pee in a bush by the river.
-The fact that cancer patients have NO problem talking about bowl movements or lack thereof.
-Watching the news to see if my friends' flights would be able to land in their connecting cities during a big severe weather swath.
-The guys in the row in front of me having their headphones so loud that Piranha, sitting in the row behind me, could tell which songs they were playing.
-Getting a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel from Dunkin' Donuts at the airport before grabbing my bag to go home.
-Going outside and being hit by the swamp that is hot, muggy DC.
-Staying up really late to tell Charles all about my trip.
-Going out for a special dinner Sunday as a welcome-home-mom celebration.

I will probably update this more as things come back to me. This is a good start though.

Saturday, May 30, 2015

More Climbing Pictures


Blue Steel first climb first day

Blue Steel second climb first day
Purple Steel repelling on day 2
Mama Flub and Steel in matching FD shirts

Lookout beach - Colorado River

Graduation Day cuddle puddle


Mama and Blue Steel on the first leg of the graduation climb

Repelling down the 250 ft drop

Cilantro, Boots, Steel, and Standby as the sun came out

Boots and Steel huddling for warmth

Graduation Group Crush picture

Group Crush at the big arch in Arches National Park

Group Crush at Balancing Rock, Arches National Park

Group Crush in Arches National Park
Le Sal mountain range
Arches National Park
Dead Horse Point State Park
Looking Glass Rock, Moab, Utah - graduation day climb


Sunday, May 24, 2015

Moab, Utah; one of the best weeks of my life

"First Descents offers young adult cancer fighters and survivors a free outdoor adventure experience designed to empower them to climb, paddle and surf beyond their diagnosis, defy their cancer, reclaim their lives and connect with others doing the same."

I was accepted into the Moab, Utah week long rock climbing trip for May 2015. I've been rock climbing indoors for about half a year but outdoor rock climbing is very different. I had an idea of what I thought I would get from this experience but I had no idea that it would meet and greatly exceed my expectations. I'm not quite sure how to put my experience into words in a way that will do it justice but I'll try anyway.

First, I'll say I'm going to tell MY story but I'll be careful not to include any personal information of anyone else. First Descents has a wonderful tradition of giving everyone nicknames on the first day of camp. It's a way to help people live in the moment. You don't have to think about who you were before camp or who you will be after. You are you for that week and the new nickname helps solidify that. I don't even know anyone's real name. They are always <insert nickname here> to me. They are even <insert nickname here> on my phone for their contact info. 

Packing was exciting like it usually is for any trip, especially one you've been looking forward to for several months. I put in ALL of my good work out clothes, some of which I had bought specifically for this trip and the Race for Hope 5k the previous weekend. I planned to check a bag so I didn't have to deal with the nonsense of 3 oz bottles and not being able to bring my sharp objects.
The view from our porch; best coffee spot ever.

There was a delay in my layover at Denver, severe weather in other parts of the country. It was actually nice to be in the airport longer as I got to meet 5 other campers who were also on the same delayed flight. Bullseye (F) was my first FD friend! She found me sitting at a nearby gate charging my phone that had completely died. Denver has very very few outlets for being such a major hub. After that, we met up with Ultra (F), Boots (F), Cilantro (F), and Rebel (F) to have some food in an airport restaurant. I sat outside the restaurant (at another outlet) to facetime home since it was mother's day. My family had a wonderful make-up mother's day trip to Great Falls park the day before but Grace especially wanted a call from me on Sunday. All the while, I'm getting group texts from other campers and the two staff members from FD.

After boarding the 4-seat-across plane, it was a short flight to Grand Junction. Our little group of 6 wandered into the little airport. We made our way down to the baggage claim and were greeted by the most energetic man I've ever met, Patch. He bounded up and gave everyone a hug ("I'm a hugger!"). Bandcamp and Truth (camp moms) were there ready to help with bags or showing the way to the bathroom. Mmmbop (or Ballsy? j/k) (F) had gotten there earlier in the day. We met up with one other camper, Piranha (F), and made our way to the vans. 3 other participants were late but would end up making it later that night. Woot Woot for Strawberry (F), Alcina (F), and Standby (F). Guess how Standby got her nickname ;)

We drove about 2.5 hours across the border of Colorado and Utah. We took the scenic route and it had red rock bluffs and snow capped mountains like I've never seen before! We took a picture of all of us jumping at the Welcome to Utah sign. We passed through the small town of Moab (which took about 10 minutes total). As we got closer to the Hidden Oaks Lodge, our private view of the La Sal mountain range came into view. The long dirt roads took us back to the house.

I heard tell this lodge used to be a drug rehab facility which makes sense, seeing as how it's a 15 minute drive to the town and there's no cell phone reception. Even the wifi was spotty. I liked it that way though. Everyone was forced to put down their devices and focus on the week at hand.
Our awesome guides from Colorado Mountain School;
Double, Lil' Bit, Author, and Hollywood

Our camp got to have 3 guides (all guys) from the Colorado Mountain School stay with us all week; Lil' Bit, Author, and Hollywood. Double (M) joined us on the last day to help with the graduation climb. We also had Rainer (F) from FD and a married couple, Mama Flub and Gus Gus, respectively camp mom and camp photographer. Never having any kids of their own, Mama Flub considers all of us her kids. I will never forget a moment I had with her at the bank of the Colorado River during a tradition that will not be named. Those of you who were there will know.

Our chefs for the week, Chamomile (F) and Antelope Jamboree (M), were fabulous! They provided us with hot and cold breakfast every morning (as well as tea and coffee), a buffet table of lunch foods to pack for the road, and a themed dinner every night. Every dinner was SO good that I and many others got seconds and thirds. The dishes were all vegan, vegetarian, or meat. All organic: no refined or processed foods. They gave us some real, wholesome, good nourishment for our strenuous days. We all sat at an extremely long dining room table and shared stories during meals. Dinner was one of my favorite times of the day there. I got to eat so many kinds of foods that my kids would never let me make at home!

Mmmbop and Steel selfie
In the evenings, we had "camp fire" which was sometimes outside or more often just sitting around the gas fireplace in the living room. There was always a popcorn-style question asked where people could chime in to add to the group conversation. After the first full day, they introduced 3 awards; on-rock, off-rock, and sunshine. On-rock is the award (2 toy swords) for someone who just crushed it on the climbs/hikes. Off-rock (purple feather boa) is someone who showed real compassion for people. Sunshine (rainbow sunglasses and cat covered rainbow case) is for someone who is happy and supportive. All the campers and some of the staff got to receive these awards. The best part is that the recipient was required to wear/carry the award for the whole next day. On the first climbing day, Rainier said we all crushed it; it was a group crush. That's part of how we got the camp name Deep Group Crush. #deepgroupcrush

Arches National Park, balancing rock

We went hiking in Arches National Park mid-week. The sandstone was carved into shapes by water and wind. We had 3 days of climbing, due to weather raining out one day.  
My favorite picture of the week;
Strawberry watching the storm across Dead Horse Point

However, the rain day was actually the best day of all. We went to Dead Horse State Park. It has this amazing bend in the Colorado River that carved out breath-taking canyons. There was a thunder storm across the canyon, probably the one that rained on our climbing parade. 

We were sitting there at the top of the precipice, watching the lightening, and hearing the low long rumbles of the thunder. This is the hardest moment to explain. It's humbling and awe inspiring. I will never forget sitting there in silence and connecting with the earth that way.
Meditating at Dead Horse Point State Park
Cowboy Colin with Boots, Piranha, Bandcamp, Steel, and Alcina
One evening, we got to have dinner at Red Cliffs Lodge. The owner, Colin (pronounced like semi-"colon"), is a good friend of the organization. He had the group to his restaurant and offered an open bar for everyone. He himself actually cooked the steaks for each of us. He's a good old cowboy and enjoyed the adoring attention we all laid on him. I got to have a deep conversation with Author over dinner. Shout out to Author. That meant a lot to me and I felt a real connection with him then.

Our view from dinner at Red Cliffs Lodge restaurant







The climbing was great too. Outdoor rock climbing is very different from indoor. There aren't color-coded routes. The hand and foot holds don't protrude from the wall. The sandstone is smooth, slippery, and sandy. The routes aren't always vertical. There are rather large cracks and crevices. In short, it's a lot harder than straight up indoor climbing. I did get to meet a little lizard on one of my climbs. He was a much better climber than me. Our group varied from experienced climbers to people who had never rock climbed ever. By the end, we were all experts!

The final day was graduation Friday. It was raining, hailing, and snowing in turns at the lodge. It threatened to cancel our best climb yet. Oh heck no. We got ourselves out the door by 7 am, actually 6:55 am. When we got to Looking Glass Rock, it was still spitting a little bit but still climbable weather. We all got our gear ready and started the climb.

The final climb was done in 4 teams, each led by a Colorado Mountain School guide. The climb was done in 3 legs. Once one team was at the first anchor, the next went and so on to the top. My team was the first to go. It was very windy on the first leg. The guide with us said it wouldn't be as windy on the next one. Uh, nope. Windier. Much windier. At one point, the rock gets narrower. They have a rope anchored between two vertical points there. I hung onto that rope for dear life, not to mention I had someone tied in front of me and another behind me that would have gone down too. And then the third leg of the climb, which was also supposed to be less windy, was even more windy. Over all, the wind factor was just nuts. I'm told it was 20 mph winds.

So we get up there first; Hollywood, Ultra, Patch, Mama Flub, myself, and Boots. I couldn't feel my toes. The tightness of the shoes and the cold air/wind had frozen my toes. Patch was amazing. While cuddling Ultra to keep her body temp up, he laid on the rock and put my socked feet under several layers of his shirts/coats to help them warm up. I was seriously scared about frost bite and his body language told me he was too. Once my toes started getting circulation back, the ends had feeling and the rest felt like they had bandaids around each one. As other teams got to the top, they joined the cuddle puddle in concentric rings.

Then we did a repel through a big hole in the top of the rock and down through the dome of the looking glass. It was 200 feet up. We tied in up top and lowered ourselves through about 15 ft of tight sandstone. Then it was all air to the bottom. Ultra and I went down first due to needing to be out of the wind/cold. I got to watch everyone else come through this hole with their various reactions. Bullseye was my favorite. "I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die." Others flew down. Some went slow to the enjoy the view. As everyone was making their way down, the sun came out! I got a great panoramic view of the rock on my phone. Yup, that's an iPhone picture! After the last person touched down and we got packed up, the staff led a ceremony called Baci. I'm still wearing my threads that Gus Gus tied onto my wrist. Then it turned into a big hug-fest. Deeeep group hug!
Graduation Day; Looking Glass Rock, 200 ft tall, those little spots in the middle are people in our group.
That night at camp fire (indoor gas fireplace) was the best evening yet. We all shared what the week had meant to us and what we were taking away from it. Many tears. What do you expect from 15 women?!? Then we had a very touching moment on the porch, while the rain fell all around us, and we got to remember those that we lost to cancer. I also said a prayer for my friend, Lori aka Nuni. This is another evening I'll never forget and will never be able to adequately describe.

I love my husband, our children, and the rest of my extended family. I'm thankful for all I have. I'm grateful for the clean bill of health I've been given (no evidence of disease for over a year). I am blessed to be given this opportunity in Moab with First Descents to make life-long friends and create forever memories. It's so much more than a vacation with rock climbing work-outs. I am taken aback by the profound connection and love I feel for all these people after knowing them for less than a week. It's so cliché to say you had to be there but you really did have to be there. I'm so glad I was. I can say for sure that it was one of the best weeks of my life.

Extra deep quotes:
"DeeeeEEP SHADE!" -Patch
"Drink more water." -Ama D
"I'm going in DJ Ultra's van!" -Everyone
"You ALL crushed it today. It was a group crush." -Rainier
"Dance party! Dance stretch!" -Everyone
"Rainer and Patch, you made dents in the van." -Steel
"I get knocked down, but I get up again. No, you're never gonna keep me down." -Ultra, Rainier, Standby, MmmBop, Cilantro, & Steel
"Meow or never, ladies!" -Patch
"Tampoons and coupins. Tampoons and coupins. Minnesota loves their tampoons and coupins." -Bullseye
"I GO FISHING TOO!!" -Bullseye


Peace, love, and DEEEEP group hugs to all my crushers.











Sunday, May 17, 2015

Race for Hope 2015 Results

May 3rd was the 2015 Race for Hope.  Thanks to all the generous donations from people like you, my team raised $4295 which placed us at 106th place out of 586 teams. The total amount raise for National Brain Tumor Society and Accelerate Brain Cancer Cure charities was over $2.1 million. It's the largest single fundraising event for brain tumors and cancer to date. Thank you for helping us reach such an outstanding number for those amazing charities.

As for race day, I was blown away. I had team hats made. The race gives t-shirts to the registered participants. I was wearing a yellow survivor shirt. There were over 350 survivor participants and 11,000 supporters registered. Margot and I started the race with the timed runners. We finished at 33 minutes and 30 seconds (much to our own surprise) 940th and 943rd respectively out of 1682. I'm pretty proud of us and my whole team. Thank you to those who supported us in every way.


Next year, I will still form a team and train for it but I won't be campaigning as hard as this year. So thank you, thank you, thank you for donating this year.