The first brain dump

Back in high school and college, I had random weird symptoms (one dilated pupil, passing out, etc) so I had a few MRI starting in 2001. All of them basically said I had an "area of abnormality," but since it didn't change size between scans, they chalked it up to a congenital thing (means it's like a birthmark, just the way my brain is). The last time I had an MRI was 2007 with the same result; hasn't changed size, not worried about it.

Fast forward to now, I've been having migraines in the past 6 months, never used to have them before, but now they're getting more frequent and lasting longer. I've been treating it w/ as needed meds and changing diet, etc. I had a severe one on the 17th, went to urgent care for a shot and another script. It was lessened but I had a dull headache that has continued since. By memorial day weekend, it had been long enough without relief so I went in to the ER. She did a ct scan and it showed a "cyst" in that same area as the abnormality. She gave me a narcotic (blech) to knock out the headache and told me to follow up with the neurologist in a couple days.

I went in this afternoon, still with dull headache. He compares my 2007 mri to the ct scan, and seemed concerned because that area is twice as big and with defined edges. But he also said it's comparing apples to oranges, CT scan to MRI. So he wants me to do an MRI as soon as possible, but my insurance requires pre-authorization, so I had to schedule it for Tuesday afternoon. The place is next door to his office and he said to call him when I am  done so he can come read it with the radiologist. That alone has me scared shitless.

So there's 2 outcomes. Hopefully, it'll be the same as the 2007 one and we'll manage my migraines some other way, probably with preventative meds and a short course of steroids. The opposite outcome is something much worse, that "we should be concerned about and do more testing." He did say the word "tumor" during my visit, something about glioma and astrocytoma. I'm trying not to google it before we know one way or the other.

For a quick 10 minutes after my appointment, I had visions of my children being motherless. Running through my mind were scenarios of brain surgeries, radiation, chemotherapy. How would we pay for it? Would I have to stop working? Would I have to postpone my plans to become a certified engineer? I have to stop thinking this way. I have 4 more days until we'll know more. It will be miserable if I keep thinking about these things.