Google is not my friend

I am counting down the days as they pass until my MRI in exactly 3 days from right this minute. I told myself not to google any of the terms my neurologist mentioned, but I couldn't help myself. Google is not my friend. So far, I've learned that adults diagnosed with astrocytoma have a median survival time of 2-3 years after diagnosis. At that rate, my youngest will not even be in kindergarten. If I were to pass away before then, would she even remember me?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I have to try not to think that way. As it stands now, there's a few ways this could go. The best possible outcome is that the mass is bigger (which we already know is true) but upon biopsy, it turns out to be non-cancerous. Then they would be able to remove it to relieve my symptoms and monitor for if it returns. Other than recovery and possibly rehabilitation from a craniotomy, the treatment would stop there since there is no risk of cancer spreading to other areas (since there would be no cancer).

If we do a biopsy that comes back positive as cancerous, it could involve so many shades of severity. It could be self contained at the time of craniotomy to be completely removed at the time. Then I would only be tested in other ways for cancer, watched for regrowth, and have to do the same recovery and rehab as the noncancerous situation. If they can't remove it all, I would have to do radiation and/or chemo, would be costly in my health, time, prognosis, and financial strain.
Luckily, I have short and long term disability insurance through my job. I also purchased an aflac cancer insurance policy. It would supplement our lost income, pay for treatments not covered by medical insurance, pay for a nurse to help me, supplement our childcare budget, etc etc. That at least provides me some measure of comfort that should the worst be diagnosed, at least my family (and I) would be taken care of without putting pressure on our immediate family members or put us into massive debt.

So yes, I've thought about these things. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. At this point, I've at least surrendered to the probability of needing a craniotomy. Even without more information available to us, I have started the stages of grief that follow a diagnosis.

I also am still having bothersome and sometimes painful symptoms. My chronic headache (going on 16 days at this point) ebbs and flows daily. Sometimes I need pain meds and sometimes I don't. When I do have a bad headache, I tend to snap at my family even when I try not to. And just yesterday, a new symptom started. Whenever I hear a noise louder than a speaking voice, my left ear makes a loud buzzing sound. It makes sense based on the location of my "mass", which is in the right part of my brain, the side that controls the left side of my body.

So that's my update for this hot, sunny Saturday. We're taking the kids to a drop in daycare place so C and I can take a date to the Cheesecake Factory. After they're in bed, we'll watch a movie from redbox. It sounds like an excellent evening and I'm going to savor every moment.