Update

It's been a while since I've written. I stopped my last round of chemo first week of December. I'm finally getting most of my sense of taste back. I have dropped 22 pounds since getting off the steroid and having no appetite for food anymore since it didn't look/taste good to me. This is the lowest I've weighed since our wedding 7.5 years ago! It doesn't feel like a "win" though. My muscles are very weak and I still have low physical stamina. I've been trying to do some light weight lifting and other toning exercises at least 3-4 times a week which seems to be helping. If I skip a whole week, I can feel that my muscles are slightly atrophying (is that a word?) again.

The kids have been sick pretty much straight since the beginning of February (since the 2nd, not that I'm keeping track). Right now, we ALL have coughs. Liam's turned into an ear infection and Grace's turned into pneumonia. Ellie is just plain pissed off that she has coughing fits in the middle of the night. So we've gone to the doctor's 3 times in the last week and my mama intuition was right 2 out of 3 times. I could actually hear the gurgling/crackling noises in Grace's lungs when I listened with my ear on her chest. I'm getting pretty good at knowing when it's asthma (wheezing), bronchitis (also wheezing), or pneumonia (the gurgle/cracking noise). Charles and I are both coughing too. I think I'll visit my primary care doctor soon to get refills on my own inhalers. 

So it's been an exhausting 5 weeks. We started the new child care schedule 4 weeks ago. It's a lot more tiring than I expected. I have no time to nap now. I used to come home from work at 4 and Charles would be there so I would sleep from 4-5:30. Now it's go go go from 6:30am to 7pm. I am still having trouble getting to sleep too so that's not helping. I am feeling like my most important needs (Maslow's hierarchy of needs bottom pillar) are not being met. I'm tired, don't eat much, try to get fluids as much as I can. Second tier is somewhat better; I have stability in employment, property, morality, and resources. I have my family, which I'm thankful for, but with them being sick for so long, it's draining my own health. I have panic attacks almost nightly.

Since this post has been mostly negative I will try to think of some positives. I'm improving my abilities on the FE exam studying side of things. I've figured out that I retain much more if I study first thing in the morning on Saturday and Sunday than trying to do it at 8 pm on a week day. I'm improving my scores on practice problems. It's something I'm doing that feels like is just for me. We have amazing health insurance. We don't pay anything on most medications and my MRIs are free. Urgent care (which we've used lately) is less expensive.

Speaking of MRIs, I have my next one scheduled for Wednesday and then the follow up with my oncologist the next week. I will update once I know about that. This is the first one since the month after stopping. It should be a good indicator if it's growing back quickly. If it's a slow growth, I'm not sure they'll be able to tell. I've been having more headaches, but I'm not sure why. It could be medication changes.