Now what?

This might seem like a dumb post, but basically I'm thinking, what do I do once the treatments are over? It's kind of a rhetorical question in that I will do what I have to and want to: recover, work, take care of kids, get into the next phase of "normal" while doing the extended chemo treatment every month.

But I've found my anxiety is just through the roof that last few days. Everything seems "urgent" like if I don't do it right now, write it down, or tell someone something, it just won't get done. I'm usually a lists person and even keeping one up to the minute updated on my phone isn't cutting my anxiety about it. I'm thinking this is stemming from the end of treatments coming up and my uncertainty of what the new normal will look like.

For so long, since June 4th really, we've been in FIGHT MODE. I do what I need to do and I get through it. We're coming up on my last radiation treatment and last chemo pill for this round (also, last steroid!!) on Monday. 3 more days! I'm so excited but also haven't emotionally dealt with what was going on because I was so busy just DOING it; making calls (SO many calls), going to appts, taking meds, sleeping, laundry/cooking/etc. Whatever it was, always seemed logistical and on the list. I could cross it off, even if it was "get meds to stop throwing up" it was cross-off-able.

Now I have to emotionally deal with my diagnosis and treatment. It's a good thing I have an appointment with my therapist on Wednesday because I have no idea how to channel this influx of confusing thoughts and energy. I'm sure the rest of the family is picking up on it too.