Monday, September 23, 2013

Rude strangers

This random rude lady at the pediatrician's office really has me riled up. I won't be able to go to sleep until I can write about it to try to let it go.

So recap: Husband, kids, and I are at the pediatrician's office for their yearly well visit this afternoon. I'm wearing an obvious cancer hair loss head covering. Random lady in the waiting room comes up and says something like "Are you in cancer treatments? My mom is just finishing hers. Can I send you something?" I was so taken aback and didn't know how to answer. This has never happened to me, so like a dumby, I gave her my email address thinking maybe she would want me to talk with her mom.

Fast forward to later tonight. I get an email from her, a very long one. It gives me her own whole life story and her mom's journey with a completely unrelated cancer, then proceeds to outline (thesis style) about the "series of emails" she's going to send me about all the research she's done about it because she wants to spread awareness and education. Yes. That was what she actually sent to me very verbosely.

My response: I appreciate you're spreading your knowledge to help advance people's understanding. But I was actually really taken aback by your forwardness to a stranger. I'm not in the right place that I want to accept unsolicited advice from someone I don't know, especially talking about it in front of my young children. Good luck to your mother and thanks again for the thought. I hope you understand.

I'm not one to be rude, but I'm now thinking of ways to respond when this happens again. Part of me wants to have the balls to say something like "You're so rude, especially in front of my kids. Why do you think you can invade someone's privacy in public? Leave me alone." But I don't think I'd be able to do that unless they start in on something that I can't get them to stop talking about in time. I WOULD be willing to just say "STOP. My children are RIGHT HERE." But I have come up with my 30 second "leave me alone" speech that I'm more comfortable with and have memorized:


I appreciate that you're trying to empathize with me, but I won't talk about this with you especially in front of my family. I don't need your advice and I can't shoulder the burdens of someone else's struggle. Leave me alone.


I feel that's fair and polite enough that I won't beat myself up for crossing my own moral "bitch line." I would hope that it would at least make them think about how it was not right to do it. I find it akin to touching a pregnant woman's stomach or the person's newborn infant unsolicited. Really? How dare you cross such a private line?


There ARE ways for strangers to recognize and help. It would be nice things that decent people should do anyway; hold open a door, offer a seat on the metro, etc. Talking to a stranger is NOT helpful, no matter how well intentioned they are. And you'd be surprised at how no one will give up a metro seat, or will even purposely squeeze in front of someone who is obviously going through cancer treatments (or even an obviously pregnant woman). Part of this journey opened my eyes to the good in humanity and part of it has now opened my eyes to how inappropriate people can be.


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Update: She actually responded to "apologize" but ended up still pushing her wordy agenda. I'm choosing not to respond at all even though part of me wants to really tell how even her response was inappropriate but obviously it wouldn't get through anyway.  I just have the mental task of trying to let this go so I can go the F to sleep!!

1 comment:

  1. Hope you got some sleep after venting. Some people just have no clue.

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